SIBLING RIVALY

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     Sibling rivalry. It’s as old as Cain and Abel, and as common as Facebook. The prospect of two siblings fighting for parents’ love. Now what does this have to do with writing? Well, it is a good topic to mull over. Even though my main characters have siblings, they don’t really fight. Possibly because of the age gap. But this is a subject that is particularly interesting to me. Yes, I have a sister but we don’t fight. And I do feel like we’re loved the same (We get on our parents’ nerves!). But I can’t say that we’re treated the same. And here’s where we begin. For some reason, little children and, let’s face it, some grown adults think love is limited and must get all they can and more than their siblings. And in some rare, crazy, parents need psychological help cases they do, but is it really so? Parents themselves know that they love them the same but they just can’t that thought through their kids’ heads. They are just dead set in believing that parents love one better. And there are also the incriminating evidence such as having clear memories of the eldest’s firsts but fuzzy, nonexistent ones for the younger; babying and taking sides with the younger instead of the older; and absolutely no attention for the middle kids! But can you really blame the parents for something that comes in a heat of the moment? Well, it is important to consider your steps if you’re a parent and to examine the heart. You know that you love them the same but you have to give them what they need and what kids do need is love and attention from their parents. Now, I’m not the person to tell others how to deal with their kids, but it’s true parents need to be careful with how you act. The bottom line is parents are not perfect and it’s unrealistic for children to expect they are. Parents need to give children what they need and what they need is not always equal…in fact, it’s a bad idea for them to get equal treatment because they have different needs. Equal treatment isn’t always fair and fair treatment isn’t always equal. And children will eventually learn that and be thankful. But until then, parents shouldn’t feel bad for treating kids unequally because it is fair. Parents wouldn’t want reward a child for doing something wrong or punish them for doing something right because of what the other kid did. It robs them of good things and of their individuality of what relationship they want to have. But what about if the parent have a better connection with one child than the other? Is that favoritism? Well things like that are like whether or not you like a child because one gave the mother a difficult birth but the other didn’t. Yes, parents can have things in common or like another’s attitude better, but it doesn’t mean they love them better. For example, I probably have better football conversations with a fan in the bar than my mother or sister. Doesn’t mean I love him more. In fact I probably can’t stand him. Also, parents can express their interests with one child as long as they don’t neglect the other and gives them the special time they deserve. Each relationship with a child is unique and special just like every other person parents meet. All relationships are definitely not the same and I’m sure if parents say instead of the cliché “I love you all equally.” and say “You are all irreplaceable.” they’ll get a better response. And I’m sure whatever activity parents enjoy with each of their children, they’ll enjoy it because they like to make their child happy. And if a disruptive child accuses a parent ask them “Why can’t you be pleasant then I’ll treat you nice.” Parenting is a tough job but it can be a pleasure “Put things in perspective.” And I’m sure parents if they put the work in will make sibling harmony instead of rivalry. The smarter and harder they work the better results they’ll get. Do what it takes: grant the eldest some privileges, make a big deal of the youngests’ milestones, and give some attention to the middle kids, etc. Just tailor to children’s needs whether it’s equal or not. Later.
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