Picture this scenario. You’re the youngest (or oldest if you prefer) in the family, but your sibling is less mature because of a disability, so your parents (subconsciously or not) turns to you to be the leader of the two, thrusting all the responsibilities onto you as well as any punishment for any faults of your “team”. As you get older and find yourself living in a small town where a lot of people will be counting on you to take more responsibilities in the community because people are aging, and you just so happen to have (whether you were really trying or not) the qualities that they’re looking for and are just expecting you to take over one day. Later your sibling becomes so helpless and spoiled that your parents can’t deal with them, and one of them blames you for their behavior, acknowledging that they had treated them better.
They scream at you. “It was your fault. You have been guiding your sibling all along.”
You point out. “You spoiled them.”
They later tell you. “Leaders are important. Without them nothing could get done.”
Instead of all of this making you stronger and a leader, it makes you more apprehensive about doing anything involving teamwork. People talk about there being alphas or betas and how alphas or strong personalities are better, and betas are immature and weak. Well, for starters, the term beta in nature means second in command and are every bit as strong as an alpha. If they beat an alpha or the alpha dies, they assume command. These terms confuse me because I feel like I’m both. They feel like two far ends of the spectrum. One is large, in charge, and boastful. The other is meek, weak, and full of complaints. I am meek but not weak, tough but not boastful, and yet people just decides a role for me. Both depending on the situation, but is being dominate and a leader really that desirable? How can you tell another person what to do? Can someone who doesn’t desire that really be called weak? Does all these labels really matter?
I am an evening person, but I honestly feel at my best when the sun is in the middle of the sky. It’s like it recharges my batteries. I did some sprints at three instead of five and noticed a huge difference. What a workout! I have also had a better time editing, reading, and watching videos on iTunes. I had never had so much energy at any other time! You heard of night owls and early birds, but I am an afternoon hawk with a dash of night owl. Good day.
So I was surfing the web today when I decided, hey, why don’t I watch America’s game 1992 Dallas Cowboys, so I went to my usual free website YouKu (no, not YouTube, the cheap Chinese site), and let’s just say you get what you paid. After minutes of refreshing, I finally said “You know what? I don’t need this. I have the money. I could buy a whole DVD set on iTunes for like twenty dollars.” So that’s what I did. I regret nothing! Oh, except the Michael Jordan pic. Didn’t mean to rub salt on wounds Bulls fans considering what happened tonight.
Well, except for the lack of video game playing, I could say I had a lazy day. Like most people who didn’t have to go to work, I slept til around eleven then I read a magazine and did some more editing as well as reading. “Daniel X Game Over” is a good lighthearted book that I would recommend. It was around seven before I went out for a run. My dad asked me to walk with him, but I wasn’t feeling it at the time. He jabbed at me about it later when I went walking later, but nothing big happened between us. Mom prepared a big feast consisting of steak, potatoes, and shrimp:
That’s some good eating.
I’m going to miss Ed Reed. He was one of the best safeties to ever play the game. And no Pittsburgh fans, Polamalu is not better but it is fitting that they go to Canton together.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I was bullied when I was younger. It happens, especially when you’re one of the youngest and smallest kid in the class, a bit of a stickler of the rules, and of course one of the smartest. It all stopped when I got older, bigger, and better social skills. Living in the small, peaceful South helps too. But bullying comes in all shapes and size, and it’s not always the big jock or the popular cheerleader (they were one of my closest friends actually). It could be that innocent looking nerd, a plain old average student, a parent even, and surprisingly the disabled (that’s a whole other story you need to read). The point is anybody could be a bully, and its impact is devastating. Many people had committed suicide others went off the deep end and committed homicide, many were killed during the acts of bullying. It’s all too much. I just well up inside whenever I hear another victim lost because of it. Nobody deserves abuse.
I finally snagged a job! Well, I should’ve said that yesterday, but I had to get up in the morning, and I’m very sure that no one cares anyway. I spent most of the day window washing, cleaning screens, washing the window sills, really stuff you find gross. But a job is a job, and I’m thankful of friends who not only hired me but also gave me a ride. I had to do some learning, but I caught on very fast and still had enough time for Spanish lessons, editing, and exercise. Well, I don’t have to report for duty tomorrow, so I guess I’ll turn her on in.
With my final paper finally being turned in, I am finally free at last to do whatever I please. Well, at least until I find a job to work at. I submitted another application at indeed.com, and I hope to finally get that job after so many tries. Until then I’m stuck at my house doing menial chores, writing novels, and playing video games. Thank God, the draft is tomorrow, though with my luck, the Ravens won’t select anyone that night. Night.